How to Dump Your Divorce Money Fears & Design Your Exit w/Debra Doak

Uncategorized Aug 05, 2020

The biggest challenge in any divorce, next to the emotional fallout, tends to be finances.

From the fear of going down to one income to how the new financial dynamic will impact our children, it’s perfectly natural to worry about the financial implications of splitting up.

Those fears come from a place of uncertainty because divorce is such a significant change in so many aspects of our lives. 

In divorce, especially when it comes to finances, it’s critical that we intentionally design an exit strategy instead of being emotionally reactive. If not, we risk making the process harder, more expensive, and more emotionally draining than it needs to be. 

How do we start the process of financially planning for life after divorce? How can we address the financial fears that come with divorce? What can we do to navigate an ex who shows love by buying things for the kids? 

In this episode, I’m joined by Certified Divorce Coach® and Divorce Financial...

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Letting Go of Bitterness and Resentment

Uncategorized Jul 29, 2020

As we go through divorce, we’re going to experience our fair share of difficult emotions that make joy and peace feel out of reach. This includes bitterness and resentment. 

While it’s normal to harbor some negativity towards our marriages and our exes, we can end up stuck and unable to heal or move forward.

As the saying goes, being resentful is like drinking poison and expecting the other person to be affected by it. Being bitter means you’re letting the past continue to hurt you and dictate how you feel. Letting that resentment go is critical if we want to find peace, joy and happiness. 

It seems easier said than done to let go of the resentment you’ve held onto for so long, but you have way more control of it than anyone else does. 

Why does resentment make it impossible for us to see our divorce as a gift? How can we start to reframe what makes us feel bitter and turn it into something that makes us grateful? In this episode, I talk about...

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Healing from the Emotional Trauma of Divorce w/Dorcy Pruter

podcast Jul 22, 2020

Divorce isn’t just the breakdown of a relationship, it’s also an emotionally distressing experience. When we go through the significant trauma of a breakup or a divorce, we trigger an initial emotional trauma, along with narratives and limiting beliefs they created. 

We have a hard time recovering from divorce because it requires us to face and address the micro-traumas that contribute to and compound the bigger trauma of divorce.  

We need to go deeper with our divorce trauma because it points to patterns that are keeping us stuck in unhealthy patterns of behavior, including our marriages. How does that initial micro-trauma affect our lives well into adulthood? How do we uncover the stories we created about ourselves so we can heal them? 

In this episode, I’m joined by renowned “Conscious Co-Parenting Coach”, Dorcy Pruter. We talk about how we can heal from the trauma of divorce and all the other traumas we’ve...

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Reclaiming Your Self-Esteem & Identity After the Pain of Divorce

podcast Jul 15, 2020

Our self-esteem can take a beating during our divorce. The sense that we’ve lost part of ourselves, the pity of others and feeling like a failure all contribute to it. 

The good news is, self-esteem is something that can be rebuilt and it’s in our control. The aftermath of a divorce is a great opportunity to reclaim parts of ourselves that we compromised, sacrificed and lost in our marriage!

But we need to commit to releasing our past to do that. 

How do we remind ourselves of our value, and begin to feel good about ourselves again? In this episode, I share how to get self-esteem back after divorce knocks it down.

 

 

 

3 Things You’ll Love About This Episode 

 

Change your focus to raise your self-esteem 
Negative thoughts come from us trying to drive forward while looking in the rearview mirror. If we keep shedding light on the negatives, we end up defining ourselves by them. 

 

Understand how divorce can shake...

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Ending Our Marriage Brought Us Closer Together w/Nikki DeBartolo and Ben Heldfond

podcast Jul 08, 2020

For most people, the idea of a ‘happy divorce’ is incredibly confusing. How can those words even belong in the same sentence? If we’re capable of being happily divorced, should we not just consider getting back together with our former spouses? The truth is, it isn’t that simple. 

It’s possible to love an ex-spouse without being in love with them, and that’s what we need to aim for if we want to successfully co-parent with them. 

Still, divorce can be a warzone and there are many landmines we have to get past if we want to be genuinely happily divorced. 

The best way to move past the landmines is by agreeing to put our children first, in every decision we make.

On this episode, co-founders of Our Happy Divorce, Nikki DeBartolo and Ben Heldfond share how to move beyond the warzone and embrace a happier divorce.

 

 

3 Things You’ll Love About This Episode 

 

Take out the ‘co-’ and just be...

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Grief in Divorce: How to Embrace It & Use It To Grow

podcast Jul 01, 2020

Divorce brings about a roller coaster of emotions like fear, anger and/or loss. And it is comforting to know that whatever you are feeling IS normal and others do experience similarly. Divorce brings about grief - grief of many things.  Loss of the marriage, loss of your family, loss of the dreams you had and SO MUCH MORE. While we all grieve differently and for different reasons it is important to understand what the stages are and how they work.

 

Grief is a close counterpart of divorce recovery; expect it and allow it. You’re going to grieve the loss of the identity of what you thought your family would look like, the loss of love and companionship and the end of life as you knew it. 

 

You may feel like grief brings nothing but pain, but this is temporary. It’s also necessary, and you’ll discover hidden silver linings and blessings within it. Grief is a process, and as you move through the journey, you will get stronger. 



That’s...

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I Left My Marriage With Nothing & It Was The Best Thing That Ever Happened to Me w/Sonia Queralt

podcast Jun 24, 2020

Living in an unhappy marriage and going through the process of divorce can feel like a constant internal tug-of-war, filled with guilt, regret and feelings of failure. The truth is, divorce is brutal and life changing and there is just no way around that. 

 

But that doesn’t mean that being divorced is worse than staying in your marriage. Divorce doesn’t have to just be something you can survive. It can be the launching pad for the life you really want, and the catalyst for your incredible next chapter. 

 

Divorce has its inevitable hard moments, but it’s worth fighting for your happiness, finding your inner voice and balance again. But to get there, we’re going to need to go through guilt and the reactions of our loved ones. 

 

How can we avoid getting caught up in a downward spiral of guilt and shame? How do we deal with the reactions of our loved ones? In this episode, divorce litigator, divorce survivor and co-founder of...

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Advice for the Hard Days: Experiencing the Milestones of Life After Your Divorce

podcast Jun 17, 2020

Whether you wanted your divorce, saw it coming or not, life after splitting up won’t look the same as before. You’ll feel this especially and significantly when you have to experience your first big milestone post-divorce. For me it was my son’s graduation. 

 

Leading up to it, there were so many raging emotions that made me dread the day. 

 

Then I realized that I was allowing my past to dictate my present. I was letting anger and fear control me. We always have the power to choose what to do. How do we handle milestones within our new reality? What does moving on after divorce actually look like? How can we start to come from love and compassion instead of fear and anger towards our ex? 

 

In this episode, I talk about an important lesson I learned as I experienced a challenging post-divorce day.

 

3 Things You’ll Love About This Episode 

 

How to cut your emotional tether to your ex

When we are constantly...

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Finding Peace During Uncertainty

podcast Jun 10, 2020

One of the toughest challenges of going through a divorce is answering the question “what comes next”, and adjusting to the fear of not knowing the answer. 

 

The truth is we grow and find peace when we lean into the fear of the unknown instead of trying to actively avoid it and be in control all the time.  Surrendering is key. 

 

But that means we have to sit with our uncertainty, instead of clinging to how things used to be or how they should be. It’s okay to feel nervous and uncomfortable when everything is changing. The problem arises when we try to fight the fear. How do we come to peace with the unknowns that come with divorce?  

 

In this episode, I talk about how we can become more comfortable with uncertainty and maintain greater inner peace.  

 

 

3 Things You’ll Love About This Episode 

 

The danger of telling ourselves stories when we feel uncertain 

When we feel...

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Setbacks

podcast Jun 03, 2020

 

Healing from divorce is certainly not linear. You will have highs, lows and setbacks that trick you into believing that you’re regressing. It’s normal to crave an end to the challenges. 

 

But setbacks are actually necessary. They are an important part of your road to recovery, and the path to a bigger and better outcome. Ultimately, setbacks help us set up for a comeback!

 

In order to recover from the end of our marriage, we’re going to relive some of our hardest moments, but also get the chance to deal with all the emotions and repercussions so that we can step into the next chapter healed.

 

How do we change how we react and respond to setbacks? What steps can we take to make sure our process of dealing with divorce is not self-destructive? In this episode, I share how setbacks help us heal and how to come to terms with divorce in a healthy way. 

 

3 Things You’ll Love About This Episode 

 

Why you...

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