One of the most common emotional challenges of going through a divorce is feeling stuck and not being able to put the pain behind us so we can truly move forward. This is rooted in our inability to find closure.
We seek closure in many ways, but often we try to find it in the very same place we were hurt. I recently came across a quote that reminded me that closure is a gift that we can give ourselves. It’s an ongoing process of rising to new levels of awareness and releasing the past so that it doesn’t control us.
We control our own closure, and searching for it externally only keeps us rooted in our pain. Additionally, focusing on the past instead of the future also makes it hard for us to gain closure in a meaningful way.
What are some of the ways a search for closure can be harmful? How do stories we tell ourselves delay our healing process? Why is it important to find closure on our own terms? In this episode, I share what closure in divorce means to me.
3 Things You’ll Love About This Episode
The quote about closure that really resonated with me
Closure comes to us from within. It comes when we accept that letting go and moving forward is more important than remaining stuck in a situation that is no longer serving us.
Why owning our part is a key component of gaining closure
A huge part of what keeps us from gaining closure in divorce is refusing to come to terms with how we contributed to the demise of our marriage. This denial fuels shame and embarrassment and keeps us stuck in the past. You free yourself by admitting to it and taking responsibility. This takes the power away from your past and puts the power and the focus on the future.
Why closure has nothing to do with your ex
We often make the mistake of thinking we will get closure by getting an apology or acknowledgment from our exes, but that will only reopen wounds. If you keep involving your ex in your need for closure, you are going to continue focusing on your past and your ex. You moving forward has everything to do with focusing on your future and you.